Story in chronological order…
The dream always starts the same…
I’m in the attic of an old house, find a hidden door and as much as I try not to, am compelled open it.
The entity is always there, and always mocking.
The deep guttural sound it makes as it calls to me fills my soul with a fear and despair that stays when I wake terrified with a sense that its has followed me into this world, watching, waiting in the shadows…
But this time its different. I’m not frightened and appear to have a choice as to whether to open the door or not. I choose to open it.
Behind the door is a very ordinary looking man…
He looks at me and smiles. I know without any doubt who it is but am confused that I’m not paralysed with fear, and appear to have full control over my actions in this… ‘dream’.
He tries to talk. I hit him hard in the face and he drops to the ground. I stand there looking at him and as he tries to get up and I knock him down again.
He takes a tissue out to wipe the blood from his face then looks at me and says “May I get up now please?”
I don’t know what else to do…
I slowly step back to allow him to get up, he dusts himself down, straightens his clothes, looks at me and says “Well.”
Still in deep in shock I reply “Well what?”
“Now that we’ve got that out of the way shall we, begin?” he asks.
“Begin what!” I say getting more and more confused by the fact that I’m still in one piece and not burning or being torn apart by demons.
“Talking” he replies.
‘Stunned’ can now be added to the list of things I’m feeling right now. I take a deep breath and try to slow my thoughts down…
“What do you want?” I ask him.
“Nothing” he says.
“Why are you here” I ask.
“Because this is the time you have chosen.”I
“This is the time I have chosen! what the hel… err what does that mean?”
“It means that ‘you’ have chosen this as the time for ‘us’ to talk.”
“Why would I choose to speak with you” I reply.
“Does it matter who answers your questions so long as it is the truth?”
Ok I say “Here’s a question, who are you?”
Someone, ‘something’ I can’t see to the left of me whispers in my ear “He is the most beloved of all gods angels.”
“I have many names. In heaven I am known as ‘The Witness’, you know me as Lucifer.”
Once again an unseen voice whispers in my ear and says ” He was the only one to answer gods need for an angel to leave heaven forever.”
And what are you ‘the witness’ to?” I ask.
“I am the witness to the evil that men commit” he replies…
“At the final reckoning all men must face the truth and consequences of their own actions. My presence is alway felt by the people who, by their direct, indirect or lack of action cause pain, distress and suffering to others. It is men who commit evil, not I. I am the witness who must eternally suffer watching the pain of others. I am the witness who is condemned by all as being the cause. I am the witness who will show you the truth of what you have done to others.”
His words completely disarm me. And as much as much as I try not to, my fear has been replaced by a deep sadness for the unimaginable suffering of the creature before me…
“So what is hell?” I ask him…
“Hell is the creation of those who blind themselves to the truth. It is all encompassing and those souls who create their own hell, spend eternity in it, there is no escape.”
For some stupid reason I say “I don’t understand?”
He looks at me and smiles “I’ll show you.”
I’m in a faceless street in a nameless town. Everything looks ‘exactly’ the same as the real world, whatever the real world may be… but everything is different, cold. All I can see are people trying to continue with their everyday routine in some crazy mixed up way, all I can hear are people crying out in anguish and pain. Here there is no empathy or compassion, love nor hope. The balance of emotions we were blessed with to fully experience the beauty of life is gone and all that remains is an all encompassing sorrow for its loss, never easing, never ending, complete and eternal…
The church got it wrong, damnation isn’t about burning in the pit of hell, it is about eternally drowning in the tears of your own sorrow… I have no hope. I can’t stop crying. I close my eyes…
…then open them to a scene of idyllic beauty. We are both sat on a park bench on a hill overlooking a typical country meadow. It’s a warm summers day and things couldn’t be more peaceful. He allows me the time to compose myself and I sit there silent, as I make a list of the things I have to put right when, no, if I make it home. Home, even the word itself seems a million miles away, but right now the thought of returning to it is the only thing keeping me going.
“Why did you leave me there for so long?” I ask him.
“One day is nothing compared to eternity.”
A long time passes before I speak again
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Because you are listening” he says
“Because I am listening! I don’t underst… No, let me rephrase that. I need you to explain ‘exactly’ why I’m here, sat on a bench next to ‘you’ and and we are having ‘this’ conversation?”
“All souls born into this world have the ability to hear…”
“Whether they choose to listen is a matter of will and circumstance. For you, both are in harmony at this precise moment in your existence. Some may say you are blessed, some you are mad. Others still that you are damned. Either way, whether you choose accept or reject this knowledge and how it will effect you is your choice, and your choice alone.”
He’s right, I know he’s right, maybe it’s because I’m rapidly approaching the BIG ’5′ ’0′ or maybe because I’d lost my father recently. More likely it was a combination of these, and a few others thrown in for good measure, but for the first time in my life I was starting to feel the passage of time and had a sense that mine was was rapidly running out. My overwhelming thought over the past few months was trying to figure out what my actual contribution to life has actually been.
“Ok, talking about choice, do I have choice to end this now?”
“This ends when you want it to.”
“Am I in any danger?”
“Is your mortal existence in danger no, however, the questions you choose to ask give answers that will change ‘you’ and ‘your’ world forever. Whether the changes are good or bad will be a matter of interpretation.”
His words take away my immediate fears but not the fear and excitement of the choice before me. Sometimes it best not to think too much, just follow your feeling, take a deep breath and…
“Can you show me heaven?”
“You are already in it, for heaven is the expression of gods thoughts made real. Existence itself is part of gods will.”
“And what ‘exactly’ is gods will?”
“Gods only desire is for you to live, experience, learn and evolve. This entity is neither benevolent or malevolent, it is simply the first movement, or as you would put it ‘Let there be light’, there is more truth to this than you realise.”
“Are you saying that we simply don’t matter? There is no higher purpose. That we are essentially alone in an uncaring universe?”
“Everything in existence is important and has a role to play in gods great plan. The largest things in your universe are made up of the smallest particles in existence, the people you consider to have the most pointless lives act as examples to others on how not to live, and for souls to be able to develop there has to be an equal balance between right and wrong, success or failure on the decisions they make ‘without intervention’. The importance of existence is its structure and the framework it provides souls to develop in. ‘Everything’ is part of god and god has a purpose.”
I feel strangely uncomfortable asking my next question but to be honest the word ‘strange’ doesn’t come close to describing this entire situation so I ask it anyway…
“Is gods purpose the meaning of life?”
Ok, so far so good, let’s just ask this outright and get it over with. Nothing ventured…
“What is the meaning of life?”
He smiles then says “I’ll show you, look up.”
With memories of hell still fresh in my mind, my heart sinks as I look upwards. The sky goes black, pitch black. “There’s nothing up there” I say.
“Before the beginning, there was only god, a single sentient entity, nothing else” is his response. Then the same someone or something I can’t see whispers “Let there be light.”
The sky explodes and I sit there with Lucifer mesmerised, watching the light of creation change down through the spectrum as it cools then collect into clusters that slowly start to turn.
“The first law of existence is all matter must be organised in harmonious structure,” He says ” it is the force that holds creation together, and the composition of the entity you know as god can be considered to be the perfect harmonious structure.”
The clusters get bigger and I watch as ‘stars’ start to form in their centres. The darkness is returning now but it’s not empty anymore…
“But there is more to life than its composition” he continues, “Free will is the definition of sentient life, and all sentient life ‘without exception’ needs sustenance in the form of energy to maintain its structure and stimulation to maintain its mind” he tells me as little points of golden light start to appear ‘everywhere’. Instinctively I know they are from the soul of the creator and I watch as they too, gently fall into the still forming stars, seeding the universe with the potential to create life itself.
“God created this reality and breathed life into it with the ability to develop, evolve and transcend to join the creator ‘as an equal’. Before the beginning there was only god. At the end of the beginning, god will no longer be alone.”
As much as I try to reject his answer, I just can’t. I know he’s not lying but still have to ask… “how do I know you are telling me the truth?”
“Truth has a special energy, and when spoken, the words vibrate in perfect harmony with each other. All souls born into this world have th….”
“…the ability to hear, yes I know you’ve already told me that…. But look why me why am I the one you are telling this to?”
“Because you are lis….”
“…Yes I know, because I am listening… Are there others, others like me?”
“There has been many over time, and there will be more as the ‘conscious awakening’ continues to spread throughout your race. When enough reach this level of development an evolutionary leap will bring about the transcendence.”
The weight of the knowledge is starting to bear heavy on me but I’ve come too far to turn back now. “Is it possible for me to see… this entity… this creator?” I ask him.
“Yes.” he replies. I take a long last look at the wonder of creation and breath in deeply as everything around me fades away to…
Everything I love, all of my happiness and joy, everything I wanted, needed and searched for are all here. I look around at the myriad souls floating in this ‘white space’, each of us connected by an almost invisible umbilical chord to the creator. If god was the sun we’d be vaporised at this distance, but there is no danger here, only the feeling that an extremely long and weary journey has ended and we are finally… home.
“Everything and everyone is connected.” he says “We are all part of the same creation, made of the same basic material, working towards the same goal. The creation of harmony within oneself, ones life and the world we live in, for harmony is the only true path to god and it must start from within before it can be expressed, and have an effect on the outside world. It is the ‘pure’ vibration harmony produces that moves us closer to the creator and it is this vibration that will ultimately bring about your transcendence.”
“Why didn’t god simply create a universe in harmony?” I ask. Why have so much pain and suffering in the world. Why have so much hate and anger. Why must the innocent suffer?”
“If you have never cried tears of the deepest sorrow then you will never cry tears of overwhelming happiness. If your greatest needs have never been met then you will never appreciative being without need. Gods greatest gift to life is the darkness of pain, suffering and want, for it provides a measure to gauge ones happiness against, and the motivation necessary to drive all living things towards the light of harmony.”
“And how much pain will I need to endure before I achieve this ‘perfect’ harmony?”
“It takes as long as the time required for it to happen, for the destination is defined by the journey towards it.”
“But how is this possible when life is so short.” I ask.
“It is not possible in ‘one’ mortal lifetime.”
“Are you talking about reincarnation?”
“Yes” he says “For a soul cannot ‘evolve’ whilst it is contained within its mortal frame. It must return to a state of ‘pure energy’ for its vibration to change before once again entering into the cycle of, ‘mortality’, ‘experience’, and ‘evolution’, for without this, all of the souls in creation would stay at the most basic level of development without any possibility of evolution, without any possibility of moving closer to the creator.”
“Does this happen to all souls. Am ‘I’ reincarnated?”
“All souls are reborn in different forms until they are ready for the transcendence.”
“Will I at any point remember my past lives?”
“No experience or knowledge is lost. The nearer you get to god, the more you will ‘consciously’ remember.”
I stop momentarily to try to absorb this fundamental change to my picture of life and death, but here, in the presence of god, I know that my life will never be the same, he was right. Everything Lucifer is telling me does ‘as he says’, quite simply ‘ring true’.
“Do we have a certain fate or destiny that we can, or need to fulfil during the course of our time?”
“The concept of ‘destiny’ is closely linked to the concept of ‘good’ and ‘bad’ luck. Neither exist and are the words people use to inspire themselves on to greatness, or excuse themselves for failure. Humanity still has to rid itself of uncertainness in its own abilities, feelings of unworthiness in its place as the dominate species on earth, and of the belief that it is living on borrowed time, just waiting for extinction.
The truth is this type of doubt becomes a self fulfilling prophecy making the ‘hard to do’, ‘harder to do’, and absolves one of failure through lack of proper preparation or action. Perversely it also dulls the sense of achievement that one truly deserves when they succeed because of a feeling ‘luck was on their side’ this time. The decisions an individual makes at the end of the day are their ‘own’ decisions, and the effects of those choices are a result of the situation at that moment in time without any form of ‘divine intervention’ positive or negative.”
Its odd, but everything I’m being told is strangely liberating, and for the first time in my life I’m starting to feel that my free will is not like a leaf being blown around in the wind. I take a few minutes to absorb what’s been said then consider my next question. “So where do souls go when they return to a state of pure energy,” I finally ask.
“There is a place in creation halfway between god and the realm of mortality. I’ll show you…”
We are in an infinite expanse of greyness that is neither light nor dark, just, grey… and after the indescribably beautiful feeling of ‘completeness’ I had in the presence of the creator, here if anything, I only feel a little bit sleepy which is odd, as up to now I’ve never felt so… energised… alert… alive even. Its a shame I’m asleep, or, actually I don’t know, if it’s just my body that’s asleep or… best not think too hard about that… “Where are we?”
“This place of stillness is where souls wait, souls change.”
“Souls, what sou…” and then they slowly appear… The little points of golden light I had seen at the start of creation, stretching out as far as the eye can see, and more than I could possibly hope to count. Some are just golden, but others contain people, and things that look kind of… animal… alien.
“The ‘golden’ are new life waiting to start their journey, the others walk ‘the path of souls’.” He says.
I fall quiet watching the souls slowly drift past, and as I look inside the orbs containing human forms, I see their features changing, appearing to almost cycle through the various faces the soul wore at each stage of its mortal time. Its unnerving to watch, but I just can’t tear my eyes away as the expression on each face tells a story… then I notice something that makes my blood run cold with fear.
There is an orb containing a human shape, but unlike the rest of the souls in this.. grey place, it is awake but seemingly unaware of its surroundings or the ‘black’ formless shapes that are crawling over its outer surface peering into the orb, and watching its every move. “What are they” I say in a low voice.
“They are the ‘Feeders’ that take those who chose the path of disharmonic hatred into the darkness of hell.”
More ‘Feeders’ are gathering now, slowly but surely working together to cover the orb. “Is there no hope of redemption for these ‘souls’, is there no way they can put right, the wrong they have done.” I ask anxiously.
“There are many crossroads along the way, where a clear decision has to be made on which path to choose. But the gift of ‘free will’ means the responsibility for these decisions and the consequences that follow, rest with the soul itself, and a soul’s decision to walk towards the light of god must be based upon its desire to achieve harmony with its world, not fear of retribution for its actions. For those who choose to blind themselves to the pain and suffering they inflict on others without any conscious feelings of empathy for their victims or remorse for their actions, there can be no redemption. For it is only with the ‘truth’ that redemption can be found, and only complete acceptance of the ‘truth’ can set them free.”
I watch as the orb slowly floats away with the light of the soul contained within almost smothered now by the ‘Feeders’. Its time here is almost over and I can’t help feeling sorry for it, but if this is a ‘direct’ result of the suffering it has caused others. Then so be it…
I’m disturbed by what I’ve witnessed and by the fact I’m feeling some twisted kind of satisfaction that the evil living amongst us get rewarded in this way…
“At what point does it become impossible to change?” I ask.
“Change is impossible when self delusional lies become the sole reason for living. Once this happens you are already in hell.”
I simply nod in acknowledgement, and start to list the things I need to put right when this is over… I know I’m going to regret this but have to ask, “Where do the ‘Feeders’ take them to?”. He doesn’t smile this time as he replies, “I’ll show you”…
The darkness here is cold and complete, with the only illumination being the light of the souls contained within their own personal hell… Occasionally ‘Feeders’ can be seen as they land on the surface of an orb but beyond that, there is ‘nothing, here but the all pervading sense of sadness and loss. As much as I don’t want to know the answer I ask him “What do the ‘Feeders’ do with the souls once they are here?”
“Like all sentient life they require food and the ‘life force’ of the souls is their harvest…”
The horror of his words leave me speechless as he continues…
“…even in hell there is order and structure, and everything contained within creation has use. Here, in ‘death’ these lost souls provide ‘life’ for the ‘Feeders’.”
“Where are we?” I ask.
“It is ‘Oblivion’ at the edge of creation. A place where gods light is at its weakest”
I don’t want to be here anymore. I never want to come here again… “I want to leave this… place.” I say to him.
…is falling down through the trees in the most wondrous way, it looks, almost like water, gently flowing between the leaves… The birds are chattering away in the background and we are back on the hill overlooking the meadow. It feels good to be somewhere, that at least, looks normal. “So I’ve seen god, hell and I’m sat here talking to the devil. Does this mean the Christians have got it right and theirs is the one ‘true’ god?”
“Your mind is translating everything you are experiencing into a something you understand and has meaning for you. Interpretation of the knowledge gained through ‘enlightenment’ of ones place in creation is subject to the life experiences of the individual, and the society they are in. This is why the core message of harmony within oneself and the outside world is the foundation of every religious or intellectualised belief system, but the actual method of achieving this harmony is specific to the internal, and external forces that influence each of the ‘enlightened’ ones.”
Ok, I can understand that, so carry on with “Was ‘enlightenment’ of the prophets the inspiration and driving force for the belief systems held by humanity?” I continue.
“It was the inspiration but not the driving force, for the motivation comes from within and is the reason for the experience of ‘enlightenment’.” is his reply.
I know it sounds ridiculous but my christian upbringing makes me ask “Were any of the prophets actually the sons or daughters of god?”
“We are ‘all’ the sons and daughters of god.” he replies.
Ok… I need to get another of my christian beliefs answered so ask…
“Are we born with original sin?”
“Original sin is a human concept used by the ‘righteous’ to control the innocent. Real sin are the wars the ‘righteous’ enforce on the masses. Real sin is the mutilation and abuse of children by the ‘righteous’ in the name of religion. Real sin is the belief of the ‘righteous’ that only they hold the truth. The evil committed by the ‘righteous’ in the name of god is ‘real sin’, and at the final reckoning they ‘will’ face the truth and consequences of their own actions. For I am the witness who will show them the truth of what ‘they’ have done to others.”
His words take my thoughts back to my fathers funeral. I remember wanting to scream my anger at the priest for asking the congregation to pray forgiveness of him for his sins, and for his soul’s entry into heaven. My father was a good man, and had done ‘nothing’ that needed forgiving. That was the day I lost my religion. That was the day I found my faith. I no longer had any time for the men who told me my children were tainted with the sins of Adam and Eve. I had learned to listen to my heart, and quite simply, try my best to do the right thing.
“What purpose do belief systems serve beyond their own?”
“They form the basis of ‘all’ civilisations with their message of harmony. Even the most bloodthirsty societies still have social structures organised around belief systems that allow individual development, leading to greater levels of knowledge and development of the society as a whole.” he replies.
Maybe I’m just angry at all the trouble I see in the world created, and justified in the name of religion. Maybe I’m still angry at my fathers priest. I’m not sure, but for whatever reason I want to reject this in its entirety so ask “But why does it go… so wrong, so often!”
“The pitfall of ‘blind faith’ for those seeking guidance through the words of ‘scripture’, and ignoring their own ‘innate’ sense of right and wrong is in blinding themselves to the ‘inescapable fact’ that scripture is ‘always an interpretation’ of another’s words from a time long gone, and as such, its translation ‘must be questioned’ as to its relevance to oneself and to the society it is being applied to. For as the light of knowledge illuminates the path ahead. Religious ‘dogma’, although once acting as a guide, now only acts to darkens the path the further it moves away from its point of origin.
“And what of the search for “perfect harmony” I ask, “Where can we find guidance if not from the scriptures?”
“Guidence comes from within and the search for perfect harmony begins with acceptance of the knowledge that ‘people’ and the beliefs they hold are imperfect. Herein lies the answer to your question. For the greater part of perfection in ‘oneself’ is the acceptance of imperfection in ‘others’.” He replies.
I can feel my anger and frustration slowly being drained away by Lucifer’s inescapable ‘ cold hard’ logic and don’t like it so decide to change the subject before he checkmates me. “So what do you want…
…what does ‘Lucifer’ get out of all of this?”
Everything goes quiet. I hear the ‘voice’ again, only this time it’s much clearer, sharper, almost as if it’s closer to me, or maybe I’m closer to it…
…”Ask not what Lucifer will gain, but instead ask what, through his ‘own choice,’ he has forever sacrificed. For his ‘love’ and ‘hope’ for the life contained within creation, he forsake his place on the ‘right hand of god’, to spend eternity as a beacon of light to those lost in the darkness on the ‘Path to Oblivion.’ This decision he may reverse at any time but will not, for he knows another must take his place in eternal solitude, far from gods grace.”
The voice fades away and we are alone again. “I am so… sorry” I say ” I didn’t understand…” He doesn’t reply….
A long time passes before I speak again but I need to understand ‘this’ so ask…
“But ‘why’ must there be a witness to acts of evil?”
He finally stirs from his silence and replies “I am the one who bears witness. I am the one who shows souls the truth of their decisions, and through these actions, I am the one who becomes the ‘final hope’ for those with ‘no hope’. Their last chance for change.”
‘The ‘final’ hope for those with no hope’, I think I understand now but honestly don’t know whether to feel admiration or pity for his sacrifice… “Do many change once they have seen the truth” I ask.
“The stronger the delusion, the less chance for change, the closer to Oblivion.”
‘But isn’t this a description of madness?”
“Acts of madness ‘no matter how grotesque’ are made innocently and without malice. Acts of evil, justified and driven by ‘self delusion’ are made by rational, calculating intelligence.”
“How is it possible after being shown the ‘truth’ of the suffering you have caused others to be so untouched and unconcerned?” I ask… “What happens to make people like this?”
“Extreme emotion, be it positive or negative ‘needs to be experience’ to allow souls to define and develop themselves. Those who lack the skills or willingness to cultivate a positive life experience turn to the destructive power of extreme negative emotional experiences to satisfy this need. Once this happens, the only way to justify the suffering ‘they’ inflict on others is by transferring the blame away from themselves. The circle of lies is cold comfort, but comfort non the less.
“Does all this mean certain ‘traits’ follow us through a constant cycle of life and death?”
“Every soul carries with it the memories and characteristics developed during its ‘own’ mortalities and to a lesser extent, the characteristics of its various ‘mortal parents’ throughout its journey on the ‘Path of Souls’. These ‘experiences’ are what feed the growth and development of its evolution, and the knowledge it acquires on the journey is never lost. It is only a question of how much a soul can ‘subconsciously’ remember in each mortal cycle. The more ‘harmonic’ the soul, the greater its ability to use the skills developed in previous cycles.”
His words remind me of an experiment I’d read about, where birds were hatched in isolation to see how much knowledge, if any, they were born with. It was found ‘all of them’ knew the songs that were unique to their species, and amazingly, the variations ‘specific’ to the section of the field they were taken from. After reading this it made me wonder… If the birds can be born with a song, why can’t we?
But in spite of ‘everything’ he’s shown me, the concept of ‘reincarnation’ is such a fundamental shift in my view on existence I’m struggling to come to terms with it. I’ve never agreed with ‘any faiths’ belief they are right and everyone else is wrong, and even armed with the knowledge that ‘I myself’ have been subjected to years of religious indoctrination, it’s still a battle for me to accept anything that conflicts or questions the ‘faith’ I was born into The ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality is very hard to lose once it’s taken root… My questioning of this makes me question ‘everything’ that happening, even my own sanity. The big problem here is it all feels ‘so damn real’. I take ‘another’ deep breath before continuing… “Ok…”
“…what purpose does the cycle of ‘life and death serve?”
“For a soul to evolve to its highest potential it must be given the opportunity to experience, learn and develop to its fullest ability. ‘flesh and blood’ is the vessel which allows it to repeatedly enter into ‘mortality’, and ‘death’ is the process of gradual transformation towards an evolutionary leap, where the body can longer contain the essence of the soul and it returns to its original state of ‘pure energy’, but now with a highly developed ‘character and intelligence’ as it continues on its journey towards ‘transcendence’, towards ‘god’.”
“Does this mean those seemly ‘gifted’ amongst us are really souls more in harmony with the universe?”
“All souls are ‘born gifted’ with the same capacity to learn, develop, realise their own potential, and ultimately ‘transcend’, but in answer to your question, yes, even though the ‘mortal vessel’ is the same, the souls contain within are all at different levels of development.”
As persuasive as his answers are the concept of reincarnation makes me uncomfortable and is not something I want to deal with right now. I need to change this line of thought…
“Tell me about Angels”
“Angels are the voice of god, we are there to guide those on the ‘Path of Souls’ when they are ready to listen.”
“Demons exist for those amongst you who ‘choose’ to believe they exist. In essence the ‘belief itself’ becomes the Demon.”
“What happens when you die?”
“A guide will come at the moment of transition, when a soul is balanced between mortality and death. For most, this will take the form of a loved one. Those at the gates of ‘Oblivion’ will be taken by what humanity call the ‘Grim Reaper’ or as you now know it, a ‘Feeder’. But there is a much greater truth to be found within your question, and it must be understood that death has two paths. For those moving towards harmony, it is simply the transition of an ‘eternal soul’ into pure energy. Another step closer to god. For those about to enter Hell, it means they no longer have the capacity the evolve and ‘death’ truly is, the end.”
“How do we develop harmony within ourselves?”
“There are three elements a soul can use to help guide the development of harmony within itself and its environment. The first is ‘empathy’ with others and their needs. The second is ‘willingness’ to adapt to each unique situation. The third is ‘motivation’ in continually working to develop and improve itself. These ‘key elements’ are in plain sight, for ‘all souls’ to see if they look with uncluttered thoughts and an open heart, but in order to reap the ‘greatest rewards’ from their use, a ‘soul’ needs to understand they must be applied with simplicity of thought, interpretation and action.”
I only have one last question left. I’ve been asking it most of my life, but now I actually have the opportunity to hear the answer, my fear of his reply makes me hesitant to ask…
“What has been waiting for me in my dreams all these years?”
“Behind the door in your dreams is the dark chaos of your own soul, a reminder of what we are ‘all’ capable of if left unchecked, it is the opposing force to the light of harmony, and the tension between the two creates the energy that drives ‘all sentient life’ forward.”
I have been having these ‘night visitations’ three or four times a year for as long as I can remember. Each time waking up bathed in sweat, crying in terror and feeling lucky I survived another attack from this evil, malevolent entity. His answer brings a profound sense of relief as the realisation settles in that it was simply me, frightening myself, nothing more, nothing less… I have no more questions now, I just want to go home.
“Can this end now please” I ask.
“Yes, but I have one last thing to share with you…”
He turns, looks directly at me, and the universe itself seems to hold its breath before he finally speaks.
“Consider the importance of the ‘things you ask for’, are they the things you actually want?”
“Consider the importance of the ‘things you want’, for are they the things you actually need?”
“Finally, consider the importance of ‘what you actually need’, for this is where you will find true, and lasting happiness…”
Even if all of this is just a crazy dream and I wake up and the memories slowly fade away like most of them do. Right here, right now, I can’t help but have a deep feeling of empathy with this ‘angel’ before me… “Lucifer, before this ends I’d like to say… I’d like to say thank you.” I’m not sure if its my imagination, but he ‘almost’ seems to smile as everything before me slowly disappears like mist, revealing what I used to consider to be ‘the real world’ behind it…
Anna stirs from her sleep, looks at me and says “You had that dream again?…”
One week later…
I have to believe this ‘experience’ was a dream unlike any I have ever known. The alternative would be acceptance of it as reality, and only crazy people talk to god or the devil don’t they…?
One month later…
I remember everything like it was yesterday and the experience has profoundly changed me. The sun shines brighter, water tastes sweeter, the air smells cleaner, and with a sense of ‘my place’ in the great scheme of things, everything ‘simply’ makes more sense. I’ve shared a few of the things I experienced with a few ‘very close friends’ but still feel a little bit reticent to talk to anyone about it in any depth. My ‘new’ view of the world is ‘all encompassing’ and has affected every aspect of my life. I’m amazed at how easy it is to interact with other people now and quite simply, ‘get things done’. I seem to be able to read their intentions ‘despite’ what they might actually be saying and it just saves so much time… I’ve also stopped feeling like I haven’t ‘done’, or ‘achieved’ enough in my life. I feel good, I feel strong, and I want to feel this way for the rest of my life…
I don’t know how exactly it’s been happening, but over the past few months a distinct feeling of ‘uneasiness’ has crept into my thoughts like a thief, slowly but surely stealing my sense of ‘well being’ piece by piece, and leaving me feeling increasingly distant, unattached, cold.
Everything has changed… Before the ‘dream’, like most people, I had filled the mystery of ‘Death’ with thoughts, ideas an concepts that quite simply, gave me ‘hope’, allowed me to ‘dream’ and to be honest, provided great comfort in times of need. All of this has has gone now and I feel I exist as a soul, alone in a cold universe separated from every other living entity by an absent, uncaring god. Family are just an access into mortality, love is fleeting, momentary and transient. Death takes us, and then it all starts again… An endless cycle of mortality and death with the only hope for change being in a future that has no meaning or relevance to me in the ‘here and now’. Nothing means anything anymore. I don’t mean anything anymore…