One month later…

I remember everything like it was yesterday and the experience has profoundly changed me.  The sun shines brighter, water tastes sweeter, the air smells cleaner, and with a sense of ‘my place’ in the great scheme of things, everything ‘simply’ makes more sense.  I’ve shared a few of the things I experienced with a few ‘very close friends’ but still feel a little bit reticent to talk to anyone about it in any depth.  My ‘new’ view of the world is ‘all encompassing’ and has affected every aspect of my life.  I’m amazed at how easy it is to interact with other people now and quite simply, ‘get things done’.  I seem to be able to read their intentions ‘despite’ what they might actually be saying and it just saves so much time…  I’ve also stopped feeling like I haven’t ‘done’, or ‘achieved’ enough in my life.  I feel good, I feel strong, and I want to feel this way for the rest of my life…

“What has been waiting for me in my dreams all these years?”

“Behind the door in your dreams is the dark chaos of your own soul, a reminder of what we are ‘all’ capable of if left unchecked, it is the opposing force to the light of harmony, and the tension between the two creates the energy that drives ‘all sentient life’ forward.”

I have been having these ‘night visitations’ three or four times a year for as long as I can remember.  Each time waking up bathed in sweat, crying in terror and feeling lucky I survived another attack from this evil, malevolent entity.  His answer brings a profound sense of relief as the realisation settles in that it was simply me, frightening myself, nothing more, nothing less…  I have no more questions now, I just want to go home.

“Can this end now please” I ask.

“Yes, but I have one last thing to share with you…”

He turns, looks directly at me, and the universe itself seems to hold its breath before he finally speaks.

“Consider the importance of the ‘things you ask for’, are they the things you actually want?”

“Consider the importance of the ‘things you want’, for are they the things you actually need?”

“Finally, consider the importance of ‘what you actually need’, for this is where you will find true, and lasting happiness…”

Even if all of this is just a crazy dream and I wake up and the memories slowly fade away like most of them do.  Right here, right now, I can’t help but have a deep feeling of empathy with this ‘angel’ before me… “Lucifer, before this ends I’d like to say… I’d like to say thank you.”  I’m not sure if its my imagination, but he ‘almost’ seems to smile as everything before me slowly disappears like mist, revealing what I used to consider to be ‘the real world’ behind it…

Anna stirs from her sleep, looks at me and says “You had that dream again?…”

“Does this mean those seemly ‘gifted’ amongst us are in reality, souls more in harmony with the universe?”

“All souls are ‘born gifted’ with the same capacity to learn, develop, realise their own potential, and ultimately ‘transcend’, but in answer to your question, yes, even though the ‘mortal vessel’ is the same, the souls contain within are all at different levels of development.”

As persuasive as his answers are the concept of reincarnation makes me uncomfortable and is not something I want to deal with right now.  I need to change this line of thought…

…what does ‘Lucifer’ get out of all of this?”

Everything goes quiet.  I hear the ‘voice’ again, only this time it’s much clearer, sharper, almost as if it’s closer to me, or maybe I’m closer to it…

…”Ask not what Lucifer will gain, but instead ask what, through his ‘own choice,’ he has forever sacrificed.  For his ‘love’ and ‘hope’ for the life contained within creation, he forsake his place on the ‘right hand of god’, to spend eternity as a beacon of light to those lost in the darkness on the ‘Path to Oblivion.’  This decision he may reverse at any time but will not, for he knows another must take his place in eternal solitude, far from gods grace.”

The voice fades away and we are alone again.  “I am so… sorry” I say ” I didn’t understand…” He doesn’t reply….

A long time passes before I speak again but I need to understand ‘this’ so ask…

“And what of the search for “perfect harmony…”

…I ask, “Where can we find guidance if not from the scriptures?”

“Guidence comes from within and the search for perfect harmony begins with acceptance of the knowledge that ‘people’ and the beliefs they hold are imperfect.  Herein lies the answer to your question.  For the greater part of perfection in ‘oneself’ is the acceptance of imperfection in ‘others’.” He replies.

I can feel my anger and frustration slowly being drained away by Lucifer’s inescapable ‘ cold hard’ logic and don’t like it so decide to change the subject before he checkmates me. “So what do you want…

…black

The darkness here is cold and complete, with the only illumination being the light of the souls contained within their own personal hell…  Occasionally ‘Feeders’ can be seen as they land on the surface of an orb but beyond that, there is ‘nothing, here but the all pervading sense of sadness and loss.  As much as I don’t want to know the answer I ask him “What do the ‘Feeders’ do with the souls once they are here?”

“Like all sentient life they require food and the ‘life force’ of the souls is their harvest…”

The horror of his words leave me speechless as he continues…

“…even in hell there is order and structure, and everything contained within creation has use.  Here, in ‘death’ these lost souls provide ‘life’ for the ‘Feeders’.”

“Where are we?” I ask.

“It is ‘Oblivion’ at the edge of creation.  A place where gods light is at its weakest”

I don’t want to be here anymore. I never want to come here again… “I want to leave this… place.” I tell him…

…grey

We are in an infinite expanse of greyness that is neither light nor dark, just, grey… and after the indescribably beautiful feeling of ‘completeness’ I had in the presence of the creator, here if anything, I only feel a little bit sleepy which is odd, as up to now I’ve never felt so… energised… alert… alive even.  Its a shame I’m asleep, or, actually I don’t know, if it’s just my body that’s asleep or… best not think too hard about that…  “Where are we?”

“This place of stillness is where souls wait, souls change.”

“Souls, what sou…”  and then they slowly appear… The little points of golden light I had seen at the start of creation, stretching out as far as the eye can see, and more than I could possibly hope to count.  Some are just golden, but others contain people, and things that look kind of… animal… alien.

“The ‘golden’ are new life waiting to start their journey, the others walk ‘the path of souls’.” He says.

I fall quiet watching the souls slowly drift past, and as I look inside the orbs containing human forms, I see their features changing, appearing to almost cycle through the various faces the soul wore at each stage of its mortal time.  Its unnerving to  watch, but I just can’t tear my eyes away as the expression on each face tells a story… then I notice something that makes my blood run cold with fear.

There is an orb containing a human shape, but unlike the rest of the souls in this.. grey place, it is awake but seemingly unaware of its surroundings or the ‘black’ formless shapes that are crawling over its outer surface peering into the orb, and watching its every move. “What are they” I say in a low voice.

“They are the ‘Feeders’ that take those who chose the path of disharmonic hatred into the darkness of hell.”

More ‘Feeders’ are gathering now, slowly but surely working together to cover the orb.  “Is there no hope of redemption for these ‘souls’, is there no way they can put right, the wrong they have done.” I ask anxiously.

“There are many crossroads along the way, where a clear decision has to be made on which path to choose.  But the gift of ‘free will’ means the responsibility for these decisions and the consequences that follow, rest with the soul itself, and a soul’s decision to walk towards the light of god must be based upon its desire to achieve harmony with its world, not fear of retribution for its actions.  For those who choose to blind themselves to the pain and suffering they inflict on others without any conscious feelings of empathy for their victims or remorse for their actions, there can be no redemption.  For it is only with the ‘truth’ that redemption can be found, and only complete acceptance of the ‘truth’ can set them free.”

I watch as the orb slowly floats away with the light of the soul contained within almost smothered now by the ‘Feeders’.  Its time here is almost over and I can’t help feeling sorry for it, but if this is a ‘direct’ result of the suffering it has caused others.  Then so be it…

I’m disturbed by what I’ve witnessed and by the fact I’m feeling some twisted kind of satisfaction that the evil living amongst us get rewarded in this way…

“So what is hell?” I ask him…

“Hell is the creation of those who blind themselves to the truth.  It is all encompassing and those souls who create their own hell, spend eternity in it, there is no escape.”

For some stupid reason I say “I don’t understand?”
He looks at me and smiles “I’ll show you.”

I’m in a faceless street in a nameless town.  Everything looks ‘exactly’ the same as the real world, whatever the real world may be… but everything is different, cold.  All I can see are people trying to continue with their everyday routine in some crazy mixed up way, all I can hear are people crying out in anguish and pain.  Here there is no empathy or compassion, love nor hope.  The balance of emotions we were blessed with to fully experience the beauty of life is gone and all that remains is an all encompassing sorrow for its loss, never easing, never ending, complete and eternal…

The church got it wrong, damnation isn’t about burning in the pit of hell, it is about eternally drowning in the tears of your own sorrow…  I have no hope.  I can’t stop crying.  I close my eyes…

…then open them to a scene of idyllic beauty.  We are both sat on a park bench on a hill overlooking a typical country meadow. It’s a  warm summers day and things couldn’t be more peaceful.  He allows me the time to compose myself and I sit there silent, as I make a list of the things I have to put right when, no, if I make it home.  Home, even the word itself seems a million miles away, but right now the thought of returning to it is the only thing keeping me going.

“Why did you leave me there for so long?” I ask him.
“One day is nothing compared to eternity.”

A long time passes before I speak again
“Why is this happening to me?”
“Because you are listening” he says
“Because I am listening! I don’t underst…  No, let me rephrase that.  I need you to explain ‘exactly’ why I’m here,  sat on a bench next to ‘you’ and and we are having ‘this’ conversation?”

“I am the witness to the evil that men commit” he replies…

“At the final reckoning all men must face the truth and consequences of their own actions.  My presence is alway felt by the people who, by their direct, indirect or lack of action cause pain, distress and suffering to others.  It is men who commit evil, not I.  I am the witness who must eternally suffer watching the pain of others.  I am the witness who is condemned by all as being the cause.  I am the witness who will show you the truth of what you have done to others.”

His words completely disarm me.  And as much as much as I try not to, my fear has been replaced by a deep sadness for the unimaginable suffering of the creature before me…

“This is the time I have chosen! what the hel… what does that mean?”

“It means that ‘you’ have chosen this as the time for ‘us’ to talk.”
“Why would I choose to speak with you” I reply.
“Does it matter who answers your questions so long as it is the truth?”
Ok I say “Here’s a question, who are you?”

Someone, ‘something’ I can’t see to the left of me whispers in my ear “He is the most beloved of all gods angels.”

“I have many names.  In heaven I am known as ‘The Witness’,  you know me as Lucifer.”

Once again an unseen voice whispers in my ear and says ” He was the only one to answer gods need for an angel to leave heaven forever.”

And what are you ‘the witness’ to?” I ask.