Christmas eve…

I don’t know how exactly it’s been happening, but over the past few months a distinct feeling of ‘uneasiness’ has crept into my thoughts like a thief, slowly but surely stealing my sense of ‘well being’ piece by piece, and leaving me feeling increasingly distant, unattached, cold.

One month later…

I remember everything like it was yesterday and the experience has profoundly changed me.  The sun shines brighter, water tastes sweeter, the air smells cleaner, and with a sense of ‘my place’ in the great scheme of things, everything ‘simply’ makes more sense.  I’ve shared a few of the things I experienced with a few ‘very close friends’ but still feel a little bit reticent to talk to anyone about it in any depth.  My ‘new’ view of the world is ‘all encompassing’ and has affected every aspect of my life.  I’m amazed at how easy it is to interact with other people now and quite simply, ‘get things done’.  I seem to be able to read their intentions ‘despite’ what they might actually be saying and it just saves so much time…  I’ve also stopped feeling like I haven’t ‘done’, or ‘achieved’ enough in my life.  I feel good, I feel strong, and I want to feel this way for the rest of my life…

“What has been waiting for me in my dreams all these years?”

“Behind the door in your dreams is the dark chaos of your own soul, a reminder of what we are ‘all’ capable of if left unchecked, it is the opposing force to the light of harmony, and the tension between the two creates the energy that drives ‘all sentient life’ forward.”

I have been having these ‘night visitations’ three or four times a year for as long as I can remember.  Each time waking up bathed in sweat, crying in terror and feeling lucky I survived another attack from this evil, malevolent entity.  His answer brings a profound sense of relief as the realisation settles in that it was simply me, frightening myself, nothing more, nothing less…  I have no more questions now, I just want to go home.

“Can this end now please” I ask.

“Yes, but I have one last thing to share with you…”

He turns, looks directly at me, and the universe itself seems to hold its breath before he finally speaks.

“Consider the importance of the ‘things you ask for’, are they the things you actually want?”

“Consider the importance of the ‘things you want’, for are they the things you actually need?”

“Finally, consider the importance of ‘what you actually need’, for this is where you will find true, and lasting happiness…”

Even if all of this is just a crazy dream and I wake up and the memories slowly fade away like most of them do.  Right here, right now, I can’t help but have a deep feeling of empathy with this ‘angel’ before me… “Lucifer, before this ends I’d like to say… I’d like to say thank you.”  I’m not sure if its my imagination, but he ‘almost’ seems to smile as everything before me slowly disappears like mist, revealing what I used to consider to be ‘the real world’ behind it…

Anna stirs from her sleep, looks at me and says “You had that dream again?…”

“How do we develop harmony within ourselves?”

“There are three elements a soul can use to help guide the development of harmony within itself and its environment.  The first is ‘empathy’ with others and their needs.  The second is ‘willingness’ to adapt to each unique situation.  The third is ‘motivation’ in continually working to develop and improve itself.  These ‘key elements’ are in plain sight, for ‘all souls’ to see if they look with uncluttered thoughts and an open heart, but in order to reap the ‘greatest rewards’ from their use, a ‘soul’ needs to understand they must be applied with simplicity of thought, interpretation and action.”

I only have one last question left.  I’ve been asking it most of my life, but now I actually have the opportunity to hear the answer, my fear of his reply makes me hesitant to ask…

“Tell me about Angels”

“Angels are the voice of god, we are there to guide those on the ‘Path of Souls’ when they are ready to listen.”

“Does this mean those seemly ‘gifted’ amongst us are in reality, souls more in harmony with the universe?”

“All souls are ‘born gifted’ with the same capacity to learn, develop, realise their own potential, and ultimately ‘transcend’, but in answer to your question, yes, even though the ‘mortal vessel’ is the same, the souls contain within are all at different levels of development.”

As persuasive as his answers are the concept of reincarnation makes me uncomfortable and is not something I want to deal with right now.  I need to change this line of thought…

…what purpose does the cycle of ‘life and death serve?”

“For a soul to evolve to its highest potential it must be given the opportunity to experience, learn and develop to its fullest ability. ‘flesh and blood’ is the vessel which allows it to repeatedly enter into ‘mortality’, and ‘death’ is the process of gradual transformation towards an evolutionary leap, where the body can longer contain the essence of the soul and it returns to its original state of ‘pure energy’, but now with a highly developed ‘character and intelligence’ as it continues on its journey towards ‘transcendence’, towards ‘god’.”

“Does all this mean certain ‘traits’ follow us through a constant cycle of life and death?”

“Every soul carries with it the memories and characteristics developed during its ‘own’ mortalities and to a lesser extent, the characteristics of its various ‘mortal parents’ throughout its journey on the ‘Path of Souls’.  These ‘experiences’ are what feed the growth and development of its evolution, and the knowledge it acquires on the journey is never lost.  It is only a question of how much a soul can ‘subconsciously’ remember in each mortal cycle.  The more ‘harmonic’ the soul, the greater its ability to use the skills developed in previous cycles.”

His words remind me of an experiment I’d read about, where birds were hatched in isolation to see how much knowledge, if any, they were born with.  It was found ‘all of them’ knew the songs that were unique to their species, and amazingly, the variations ‘specific’ to the section of the field they were taken from.  After reading this it made me wonder…  If the birds can be born with a song, why can’t we?

But in spite of ‘everything’ he’s shown me, the concept of ‘reincarnation’ is such a fundamental shift in my view on existence I’m struggling to come to terms with it.  I’ve never agreed with ‘any faiths’ belief they are right and everyone else is wrong, and even armed with the knowledge that ‘I myself’ have been subjected to years of religious indoctrination, it’s still a battle for me to accept anything that conflicts or questions the ‘faith’ I was born into  The ‘us’ and ‘them’ mentality is very hard to lose once it’s taken root…  My questioning of this makes me question ‘everything’ that happening, even my own sanity.  The big problem here is it all feels ‘so damn real’.  I take ‘another’ deep breath before continuing… “Ok…”

“But ‘why’ must there be a witness to acts of evil?”

He finally stirs from his silence and replies “I am the one who bears witness.  I am the one who shows souls the truth of their decisions, and through these actions, I am the one who becomes the ‘final hope’ for those with ‘no hope’.  Their last chance for change.”

‘The ‘final’ hope for those with no hope’, I think I understand now but honestly  don’t know whether to feel admiration or pity for his sacrifice… “Do many change once they have seen the truth” I ask.

“The stronger the delusion, the less chance for change, the closer to Oblivion.”

‘But isn’t this a description of madness?”

“Acts of madness ‘no matter how grotesque’ are made innocently and without malice.  Acts of evil, justified and driven by ‘self delusion’ are made by rational, calculating intelligence.”

“And what of the search for “perfect harmony…”

…I ask, “Where can we find guidance if not from the scriptures?”

“Guidence comes from within and the search for perfect harmony begins with acceptance of the knowledge that ‘people’ and the beliefs they hold are imperfect.  Herein lies the answer to your question.  For the greater part of perfection in ‘oneself’ is the acceptance of imperfection in ‘others’.” He replies.

I can feel my anger and frustration slowly being drained away by Lucifer’s inescapable ‘ cold hard’ logic and don’t like it so decide to change the subject before he checkmates me. “So what do you want…